


It's a Deal

by actualcheetah



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Alien Technology, Aliens, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Enemies to Acquaintances to Friends, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Short Zim, Tall Dib, The Author Regrets Nothing, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, Zim is smart, Zim is smarter than he lets on in the show
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-22
Updated: 2019-08-22
Packaged: 2020-09-24 07:40:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20354809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/actualcheetah/pseuds/actualcheetah
Summary: When Zims PAK gets damaged, he recruits the help of his nemesis to aide him in fixing it and the two strike a deal that can change their entire dynamic.





	It's a Deal

It started a week ago, with another one of the school's parent-teacher conference things, when the newly redesigned mom bot picked him up and dropped him in the punch bowl, similar to how the original version did at his first conference.

Except this time the punch had an extra ingredient that had the, what the humans called them, 'mid-teens' acting like baboons, what with their slurred speech and stumbling the more they drank. For that entire week, he'd been getting periodic shocks down his spine if he moved too much or too fast but it was normally random things that would set the zaps off. The only time he could determine when they'd come was when he used the PAK for more than a few minutes, and then they weren't just zaps, they were full blown shocks that caused his optical receptors to tingle and his throat to seize uncomfortably for a solid minute.

Due to the nature of the PAK, he couldn't take it off and fix it, lest he desired certain doom in the form of a slow death. He's sure he could probably pull it off, he was an Irken Elite after all, but he definitely wasn't going to risk it. He knew of one festering creature that he _might_ be able to trust enough to fix the life support system but he couldn't be certain the Dibstink wouldn't just report the alien technology and Zim's superior alien lifeform to the government. It made him nervous to consider the idea but if he didn't fix this, and soon, he wouldn't be able to do _anything_ if he needed to tactically retreat.

Zim felt his antenna twitch and flick with nerves beneath the disgusting wig as he thought over the idea. On one hand, the human knew he wasn't of this planet, so he wouldn't be giving away information of the far superior Irkens existence, but on the other, he'd be more or less admitting that his weakness lie in the PAK itself staying attached to his body. Biting his lip, he kicked a stray can from the sidewalk and halted in his path from school to the home base, before slowly turning around. If he was going to recruit Dibstink, he needed to offer the human something more enticing than exposing Zim as soon as he was unable to move properly. At this moment, he had nothing. But he was sure he could lure the stupid boy to his home. If he could get Dib into his lab, he could lock the area down and only allow anyone to enter or exit as soon as his PAK was back on and functioning. He refused to make it an auditory unlocking mechanism, as he'd be coherent enough to speak words for a full nine and a half minutes after his life support system was removed, but he wouldn't necessarily be able to control the words he said.

Knocking on the door of his nemesis proved to be the easy part. The hard part was asking for help.

The door opened to reveal the admittedly scarier younger sister of Dib. She only scared him because she was extremely violent and quick to anger if bothered but typically leaves Zim alone if he doesn't get in her way. She opened one dark brown eye and glared at him, and he swallowed, taking a full step back before clearing his throat.

"Human Gaz! I demand to speak to your brother at once. Fetch him for me." He flinched at the wording because it caused her to somehow get an angrier than normal look on her face before slamming the door. He blinked three times in quick succession before squinting, and was about to knock again when a slightly red around the ears, neck, and cheeks Dib opened the door.

"What do you want, Zim? I'm in the middle of something that'll help me destroy you and I need all the time I can get to work on it." The trenchcoat wearing boy snapped, going to shut the door. Before it could latch, Zim caught it and shoved it back open.

"Wait. I require assistance. Perhaps we can be of use to each other, hm? I help you finish your toy and you help me on return, yes?" He hummed with a raised eyebrow. Dib looked like he wanted to rebuff the 'toy' comment but an angry yell from Gaz had him bolting out of the house and shutting the door behind him.

"Fine, I'll bite. What could you possibly need my oh so 'disgusting human brains' for? You don't want to scoop them out and eat them like an after school snack, do you? Do you!?" The boy shouted as he froze on the sidewalk, pointing an accusing finger at Zim, who simply kept walking.

Before speaking, the alien cast a mischievous glance over his shoulder at the human, followed by a slow once over. "If I was planning that, why would I ever tell you?" He let out a small chuckle. "But, no. I'd have eaten your brain already. You've given me hundreds of chances, so it's not as if I was out of opportunities." Another shrug was apparently all the reassurance Dib needed because he started walking again. They arrived at Zims home base and were greeted by a disguise clad GIR eating one of those disgusting sawdust and chocolate bars from when they first got to the planet five years ago. Hes given numerous upgrades and repairs to him to the point he functioned exactly like the SIR Units. A loud slurping had him slowly glare over at the robot and cringe at the bubblegum and mint ice cream he was drinking. Well... almost exactly.

Bypassing his minion, who greeted Dib with a very warm welcome like the little traitor he was, the duo headed for the basement entrance, which he modified from a trash can to an elevator hidden behind two walls and a frosted door that said 'pantry', whatever that was. Zim practically shoved the human into the small space when he looked at it warily, assuring him it was perfectly fine if he could handle his skin being super heated til it boiled and his teeth being ripped out. A loud, raspy laugh left his mouth when Dib started freaking out before he waves the worries away.

"Its an elevator, Dibstink. Nothing strange or dangerous about it, I assure you." He placated as the platform started going down. Neither spoke another word, which was fine by Zim if he was honest, until they reached the lab, both of them stepping off and into the center of the basement level. "Computer, initiate lockdown protocol fourteen dash seven dash B." Dib had been looking around in awe but jolted when he heard 'lockdown'. Immediately, doors shut the elevator entrances and more locking, mechanical noises could be heard throughout the large empty area.

"You tricked me!? What are you gonna do, experiment on my eye balls? Remove my organs and put them in the wrong place to see how long I survive?" The human shouted, arms flailing uselessly as he used his height to tower over Zim. Being an alien race, Zim grew slowly despite being more than a hundred and seventy-five earth years old. Irks didn't grow in height once they reached a certain age, it was rare for them to exceed a height of three feet tall. Only those of higher power, and lucky genetic cloning, tended to get more from their lives which resulted in a small growth spurt. Since landing on Earth and experiencing its lower gravity than Irk, Zim had grown a considerable two feet, though his head still only reached Dib-human's chest. If his calculations were correct, he was just barely shorter than the Almighty Tallests.

"Calm yourself, human. As I said before, if I was going to devour parts of you, I would have." He took the contacts out and shed the itchy wig. "Nothing on your flesh suit is appealing to Zim, which is why you live. No, I need help repairing something but I can't have you running off the second I'm incapacitated. The lockdown assures me you'll fix what I need fixed if you want to leave." He explained, glaring up at the human as if his height didn't make Zims squeedilyspooch squirm with jealousy. "The lockdown will only lift once I'm back to my normal self. It's not voice activated but brainwave activated, so you better hope you do a good job human." He snarked, grinning up at the other with a razor sharp grin that had Dib swallowing.

He walked past the less nervous looking but still pale human to the exam table he had in the middle of the lab, more of a work station than anything, and hopped up onto it. "This is where you will be doing your work, the Computer will give you all the necessary tools to fix my belonging." He said. He knew he couldn't be vague about it the entire time, the human was about to find out anyway, but he still didn't want to admit that he needed help. Releasing a growl at the confused look he was getting, Zim dug his fingers into his palm. "Computer, show blueprints for the Patent Artificial Knowledge Unit." He said and a moment later, a diagram for the PAK Unit on his back projected onto the wall. "With these instructions, do you think you can repair my PAK?" He asked, not looking at the human.

"If I could read them, yeah. But I don't read Irken. Why do you need my help fixing it? You're the super genius alien, this is your technology. Unless..." An amused and cocky smirk overtook Dibs face. "Unless you can't work on it yourself because it's like a life support system, isn't it? It is! You can't take it off without going basically brain dead, can you?" A laugh filled the empty laboratory. "This is perfect. Why should I help you? You're trying to take over the earth. I say let whatevers going on with that thing continue if it's that important." He had this triumphant look on his stupid human face that made Zim want to poke his eyes out and eat them, if only the thought of that didn't make him uncomfortable.

"You forget _Dib_, you're stuck here until my PAK is back on and I'm reading normal brain function again." He snapped, taking satisfaction in the humans face dropping from pleased to downright annoyed. "Yes, so I suggest you don't try anything stupid unless you want to die down here." A second later, a pair of goggles dropped into his hand from the ceiling and he thrust them at Dib. "Here. That should help with you're inability to understand another language." Zim said as he took the eyewear.

As soon as the human had the goggles, a sharp stabbing pain shot up his spine, making his eyes close andvhis antenna quiver. When he opened his eyes again after a minute, Dib was staring at his still shaking head tendrils.

"Let me do observations on your species as a payment for doing this." Dib said after a beat. A moment of absolute silence later passed before Zim started cackling. Dibs expression didn't change. "I'm serious. I won't use anything I learn against you. It'll mostly be like learning what the different positions your antenna mean and stuff like that. Not like I'm gonna do an autopsy on you and learn how your organs work." He shrugged as he positioned the bulky goggles onto his face and powered them on. Zim felt his aforementioned appendages finally stop shaking and press down into his skull. He mulled the idea over in his head and growled when he realized company that wasn't trying to constantly kill him, and wasn't... Gir... might be nice once an a while.

"Fine. Once a month you may come over and do your 'observations'." He conceded.

"Once a month? That's all your life is worth to you? No way, twice a week." Dib countered as he read over the schematics for the PAK.

"Twice a month."

"Once a week. That's only four times a month, two hundred and eight times a year. And I won't try to report you to the government or any paranormal groups anymore." Dib offered with an eyebrow raise, offering his hand for Zim to shake. The small alien hissed loudly but took the humans hand and shook it, sealing their deal.

"Okay, now get on the table so I can figure this thing out."


End file.
